Congrats! You’re a parent! And now, tread lightly, because you’re about to enter a volatile minefield of unsolicited parenting advice from just about everyone — your parents, parents-in-law, that distant aunt you only see once a year… yes even the random, gnarly old man at the bus stop.

Bring your child up this or that way and there will be hell to pay! The sweet little babe will metamorphosise into a conniving, manipulative brat who drinks the tears of your parental anguish for sport! Everyone else seems to know better than you, it seems.

It’s easy to feel shaken and lost amid the hullabaloo of new parenthood. The best advice I can give? Take the words of those close to you with a pinch of salt, and let the rest of it be what it really is — noise. This is your time to parent, and there are a myriad ways to do so, depending on your closely-held values and your child’s temperament.

Trust your instincts, do your research by reading parenting books, blogs or forums, and confidently stand your ground when your decisions are questioned.

I did, and here are five cardinal rules of parenting I’ve broken along the way. As far as I can tell, these have not caused permanent, irreparable damage to my son (or at least not yet, according to my clairvoyant, all-knowing mother):

1. “Spare the rod and spoil the child!”

This was my parents’ favourite refrain, often as they brandished canes like an amateur Zorro to wallop my sister and I for offences such as lying, rudeness and refusing to go to school.

When I decided to adopt the gentle parenting approach to discipline my son, my parents were up in arms at first.

Unlike them and most of the older generation, I believe that physical punishment (or any sort of punishment for that matter) is merely a short term measure that elicits obedience, but only out of fear. I want to tame but not douse my son’s fiery spirit.

To detractors, gentle parenting has a bad rep for being “too permissive”, but it is actually far from that. If anything, it makes life tougher for parents, who have to proactively thinking of creative and fun ways to teach our children good habits and steer them away from destructive or dangerous behaviour. We set non-negotiable boundaries especially when it involves safety.

I try to put myself in the shoes of my toddler, and to understand the world from his point of view and limited neurological development. When and why does he feel frustrated, angry or sad and how can I help him ride his roller coaster of emotions? How do I give him some measure of control and choice in his life so that he feels empowered?

Gentle parenting takes great patience and sometimes I crack out of frustration. But I see it as a journey, and one that has made me take a good hard look at myself, and become more conscious of the type of behaviour I model for my toddler to follow.

2. “Send your toddler to school early or they won’t know how to socialise!”

“Oh? Your son is going to be two? You should be sending him to school soon right?” is the common expectation in my country where parents reserve places for their little ones in good preschools two years in advance with a deposit.

So when I reply that I don’t intend to send my son to school until he is at least three, I am often met with a quizzical look. “But don’t you want him to learn how to socialise?” comes the follow-up question.

Experts say that until the ages three to four, all the socialisation your little one may need is with his or her nearest and dearest — that’s family.

At an early age, most young toddlers only participate in “parallel play” (playing side-by-side); it’s only well into the toddler years that they are able to directly interact with other children.

The same goes for our unrealistic expectation for toddlers to exhibit socially expected behaviours such as sharing things — they simply are not psychologically developed enough to do it.

So instead of signing my son up for playgroup, I try to arrange playdates with fellow mummy friends and bring him out to the playground as often as I can. I hope this helps he gets used to the presence of other children and observe their social dynamics.

3. “If they are old enough to ask for it (breastfeeding), they don’t need it anymore!”

If I had a dollar for every single time my mother tells my not-even-two-year-old son that he’s too old for boobies now and it’s time for me to wean him…

Of course she’s right. Extended breastfeeding is dangerously addictive, you might end up with a grown, mustachioed boy with bushy leg hair still suckling at your teat… for all eternity!

It seems mothers can never get it right. Feed our children formula and get dirty looks; feed them breastmilk and get censured for public indecency; feed them breastmilk for too long and risk being labelled weird and perverted…

But why the rush to wean our children? La Leche League International notes that the average age of weaning globally varies near 4 to 5 years. Extended breastfeeding provides feelings of comfort and security, and confers significant health and developmental benefits for both child and mother, according to The American Academy of Pediatrics.

How we feed and bond with our children should be our business alone. P.S. The only person suffering from playful bites and saggy boobs is me and I’m not complaining.

4. “Boys will be boys, just let him be.”

Before I had a son, I did not realise how challenging it would be to raise a respectful, kind and emotionally-resilient boy.

Society expects our boys to be tough and rough, and they may appear so, roughhousing and tearing their way through life.

My toddler son for one has a tendency to strike, scratch and shove people who get in his way. While it may be easy to dismiss his aggression as simply part of being a boy, I think it comes from a place of vulnerability and fear. I’ve observed that he usually acts out when he is in unfamiliar situations, or frustrated at not being able to verbally express his desires and needs.

Research has shown that little boys are more emotionally vulnerable than girls. According to psychologist Allan N. Schore, baby boys are more susceptible to maternal stress and depression in utero, birth trauma, and unresponsive caregiving. At six months, they show more frustration than girls do; and at 12 months, a greater reaction to negative stimuli.

Psychologist Ed Tronick notes: “Boys . . . are more demanding social partners, have more difficult times regulating their affective states, and may need more of their mothers’ support to help them regulate affect.”

Far from being a marauding little tough guy, I now see my son for who he is — as a sensitive, fragile soul who needs all the emotional support and guidance I can give him to grow into a confident and courageous young man.

5. “Don’t co-sleep with your baby or he will never leave your bed!”

When my son was a newborn, we tried to sleep train him using the PUPD method. A deluge of tears (from him and us) were shed and out of sheer desperation and exhaustion, we caved in to letting him sleep on our bed. It was the easiest way for me to breastfeed through the night, and he did seem to sleep better on our bed.

Now, my son sleeps on a modified cot that is attached to our bed but never fails to crawl over and lodge himself right between us in the middle of the night. He also helps himself to my milk jugs for his middle-of-the-night boozing.

I know of parents who sleep trained their little ones religiously and ended up with champion sleepers. I admit I probably took the easy way out and as a result, am now suffering endless nights of disrupted sleep.

But I have no regrets. I love nursing my little boy to sleep, breathing in his musty sweet scent and kissing his hot little head nestled in the crook of my shoulder. Knowing that I’m right there beside him should he awake from a bad dream is also very comforting to me.

He won’t be there forever. Someday, he will prefer the privacy of his own bed and room; someday, he will be too shy to hug his “Mimi” in public and get embarrassed when I make a fuss of him.

And till then, I’m all for following my heart and doing what I feel is right for me and my baby. No matter what people say.